Hello I want to share my story with you today. My name’s Maria I’m 22 and I suffer from suicidal thoughts and depression. I’ve been having these since I was sexually assaulted at my work place . I have always tried to forget about the situation but it’s always been hard on me.
I cry every night thinking why was I the one it happened to I just feel less motivated to go to work but I try and get myself up and go each day.
I’ve been told by number of people to kill myself and told I don’t deserve to live here , I have always put that in my head that I should die and not live on this world.
The people who care about me told me to get some help , in the past And even now I have flash backs every day when I go work about the situation that happened and I’m always thinking why me why did I get chosen to have that happening to me why.
I tried each day going slowly and slowly day by day trying to stay tough but I started loosing motivation.
Started ignoring my staff members , then one day they noticed I was completely ignoring them so they asked me what was up I told them the situation they told me that they can refer me to healthy minds and told me to tell them about my situation, I turned this down stupidly thinking I can bottle up all my feelings.
Each day I’m trying to focus on my self and I’ve been doing arts and crafts and the things I love to get my mind of things it’s like I can’t control my brain at times it’s like the brain takes control of me and my thoughts one minute I’m doing arts and crafts the next I’m upset it’s all confusing and I really want this to actually stop I’m tired and drained and just wanna be happy again.
I’ve been writing journals on how I’m feeling to see the pattern in when I’m ok and when I’m not but slowly I’m getting there and slowly getting better.
I began to fade away it felt like I never exist I wasn’t the same bubbly person around people if people smiled at me I used to fake a smile but they knew something was up as I would smile a little bit then go back to my miserable sad self.
I urge if anyone is suffering from mental health , suicidal thoughts or depression please seek help don’t stay in the silence.
I am still struggling but trying my hardest please speak out if you are struggling don’t be silent